…you should probably have a massive 12ft map in your living room that takes up your whole wall. My girlfriend got me the only birthday present that is better than a massive map of the earth: a mecha-massive map of the earth.

I spent most of my birthday putting it up, and now the TV never gets switch on as you can sit on the sofa and stare at the countries, constantly repeating such hot lines as:

• “Fuck, Russia’s massive.”
• “The capital of Burkina Faso is awesome.”
• “Man I really want to go visit ‘x’”
• “The UK own far too many random islands in the pacific.”

The next step is to get a map of the moon for the bedroom, I can’t help thinking.